Feelings.

There are no words out there that describe how I feel.  So I'm going to take the advise of someone special.

"Don't think, just feel."

So right now I'm feeling.

Feeling lucky.
Feeling cared for.
Feeling supported.
Feeling happy.
Feeling peaceful.
Feeling loved.

And there are the other feelings that I just can't describe.

Never in a million years have I ever thought to be so lucky after all the thing I have had to go through in my life.  But I am very thankful for it as well.  Because if I have never have gone through it then I would have never been able to cherish every moment right now.  I am who I am today because of my experiences.

This past year I have loved, lost, and loved again.

So thank you to my ex.  If it wasn't for you showing me how I shouldn't be treated then I would never have been able to accept the current love I am now receiving.  Because of you I have learned that it takes both side of the couple in order for a relationship to work out.  And that I need someone with sturdy feet and a right mind to accept and love me for who I am.

Because of you I have found a love that I will cherish forever.

And thank you to my new love.  For showing me I am worth more than world.  For finding the rest of me and putting me back together.  For your sweet kisses.  Long hugs.  And beautiful words.  We have forever to be together.  And everyday with you is a wonderful and new experience.

Life has a funny way of working.  It's best not to think too hard about it.  It's better just to feel.

Horoscopes.

Something I read that was kind of interesting. Found this on http://zodiaccompatibility.me/Capricorn.html.  Anybody else agree to these statements?? lol!

Capricorn and Pisces (Me and Chris)

One likes to work and the other is hardly working. An ambitious male Capricorn will be fine with this arrangement as long as female Pisces is taking care of the house and children and schedule their activities. Their romance will be full of expensive chocolates, wine and flowers especially when they start dating. Expect a traditional wedding if these two marry, not a Los Vegas Drive-Through marriage. If it's a female Capricorn and a male Pisces couple, then the Pisces will have to offer the type of love and affection that Capricorn have never felt before in order to get Capricorn's hand in marriage. Capricorn and Pisces live for the finer things in life and will do well as a couple as long as Pisces don't get too lonely and run off with someone else and Capricorn don't go shopping for a newer, more attractive partner.

Capricorn and Virgo (Me and Cameron)

Virgo and Capricorn are highly compatible Earth signs with their feet firmly planted on the ground. They like the fact that the other is hardworking and dependable. They both are a lot less emotionally clingy than other zodiac signs so it works out in the relationship since the two sometimes need time to be alone. As a married couple, they can make very good parents, giving their kids strict rules and discipline. Virgo and Capricorn communicate well on a mental level and they do not need to compromise much, if any ,to make the relationship work. Quite frankly, it is very hard for a Virgo and Capricorn union to fail once they fall in love.

The Harvest.

You reap what you sow.  All the things that you have done in the past is now catching up to you and yes. Karma is a bitch.  But I did not do this so do not blame me. You did it to yourself.

Don't ask for sympathy.  Don't ask for my help.  Because you will not receive any of the kind.

I am where I want to be at.  I am happy.  And now, there is nothing you can do to change that.

I am not sorry that your going through hard times.  Maybe now you will realize that what you did was wrong and because of how long it went on, you can't change it or even make amends for it.

Because just like with any garden.  You fuck up once, your harvest is going to suffer.  And because you damaged the lands, the future harvest will be fragile.

So do not expect me to ever forgive you.  You put me through a world of hurt.  Time for you to experience yours.

The Boyfriend's Watch.

So years ago, and I mean years....Think junior high. Cameron and I dated (and when I say "dated" it was more like just hung out a lot because there's no such thing has dating when your that young) he had this silver and blue watch.  

Well, back then I had this weird thing about watches.  But back then I was really weird anyways so nothing new.  Anyways, when we dated I would take his watch and wear it all the time.  And when we broke up I gave it back to him naturally. 

Well last night after a date night at the movies with a few friends we went back to his place.  While we were sitting on the couch watching t.v. he takes off this watch and puts it on my wrist.  At that moment I couldn't stop laughing.  He told me that it was mine to keep. And the only thing I could say was...

"Just like old times?"

We sat there laughing about it for a good 5 minuets or so.  Probably the cutest freaking thing ever.  

So now I wear this bulky watch because for one, its a freaking cool watch.  And two, it makes me think of this story and I can't help but smile.  

Dorky I know.  But still.  Too freaking cute.  I really do have the best boyfriend ever. ^_^

Renewed.

After feeling so lost, broken, and just plain not myself anymore.  This person came in to my life and made me feel more alive then I have for a very long time.  Every day is an adventure with him.  And the more we get to know each other, the more we both realize how much a like we are.

It's so funny to think about how we crossed paths at the moment we did.  So many things were happening in both our lives and the fact that it was just "perfect timing" is still very much a surprise to the both of us.

I'm excited to see where this is going.  I haven't felt so much admiration in years.  And I really feel like I have been renewed.

The relationship is still new and there is so much I don't know about him or where this is going.  But regardless about all my fears about being in another relationship, I'm happy.

Our past has made us who we are.  And we both have learned from our past mistakes.  So maybe in the end this will work out.  But that's too far in the future for me to look.  I want to live for today....and what happens tomorrow happens.

All I know is that this is where I want to be as of right now.  Living and learning and always loving.

And even with all these new and exciting changes that are happening in my life.  I have promised myself that I will never lose the person that I am.

Sweet Smiles. Deep Kisses.

Funny how different relationships can be.

Funny how you can tell a relationship is going to work out a little better than the last even after a week.

My favorite things.


Conversations that seem to never end and there is always a subject topic.

Cuddling. Lots and lots of cuddling.

Finding things we have in common and finding that the funniest thing in the world.

Laughing. Always laughing.

Never ending of compliments.

Eyes.  I probably love his eyes as much as me loves mine.

Sweet smiles.

Deep kisses.

And how 36 hours is too long of a time frame to be a part and 12 hours is never enough time together.

Happy Father's Day!

A father is someone who loves, cherishes, protects, cares, plays, and is just there for his children.  So for those men out there that will basically give their life away for their children, I thank you.  There are not many men out there who would do so.

So enjoy your day. It's made just for you.

^_^

Goodbye May, Hello June.

May was a really hard month for me.  Period.

But June.  I welcome June with open arms, wide eyes, and an open heart.  So many unexpected things have happen so far and it's only halfway through the month.  And with every day that passes by, I become much more happier than I was before.

With everything that happened last month I was left in so many broken pieces.  But I am blessed with great friends that were able to be there for me and help me pick up all those pieces and put it all together.

And with a new month, a new person has come into my life.  Well, actually he's not actually new.  An old friend that as made his return into my life.  With his unexpected arrival into my life he brought back the light and joy into my eyes that it's almost unrecognizable.  

I'm in a good, no I'm in a GREAT place in my life.  There's no going back to that angry person I used to be.  I don't miss her. I like this side of me.  I don't want to let her go.

Honesty.

Maybe if you were honest to me then.

I'd believe you now.

And then maybe I'd have some kind of faith in this world.

Because right now......

I can barely trust myself.