Pointless.

Sometimes I feel doing certain things are pointless. For me it's saving money.  I absolutely suck at saving money.  I managed to keep $600 in my savings account for 3 days.  That was the money I was planning on using to buy me a car.  I was just $400 away from it.

But then shit started to hit the fan and it's like one expense after the next.  But I guess its not really my fault.  I guess...

I just feel like I am incapable of moving forward.  Like no matter what I do nothing is ever going to progress in the direction that I want it to.

It's so overwhelming and I just don't know what more I can do.  I guess. I just have to keep trucking on.  Grin and bare it.  I just want to crawl in the covers and cry myself to sleep.   But I can't.  Have two hooligans  with me and I have to make sure they don't do anything they're not supposed to.  And I'm potty training one of them....

Told Liza that I would throw away her dress if she had an accident in it. Lol! Seems to be working.

Oh. And I FINALLY sent in the rest of the child support papers (finally is right).  Maybe that will help me out some.  I sick of giving him the benefit of the doubt.  Just wish I didn't have resort to it, but I deserve it.  I work to hard to not get anything for raising our kids by myself.

Ugh....

Well this blog was a little all over the place.

But I am a little scatter brained today.

Pointless Addiction.

Alright.  We are all guilty of this.  Everyone at one point in time, for however long, as fallen victim to a Facebook game.  It's so stupid and yet so addictive that it's not even funny.  I've probably gotten addicted to like 10 games over the past 6 years or so....I think that's about how long I've had a Facebook.

And now I have fallen victim to the most recent Farmville.  Stupid. Stupid. Farmville.

You have to admit....My farm looks AWESOME! Lol!

Why the hell is this shit so addicting? I don't understand why?  It's like the dumbest thing in the world and it's either you love playing the shit or you hate it and make fun of people who do.

I honestly don't know how long I have been playing this game, but I'm fucking crazy.  I will wait until the last thing has grown, then plant new shit so it's ready to pick the next morning.  AND I will time it so I have the longest growing shit is just barely planted before I level up so I can replant stuff that instant.

CRAZY!

And there are FAR more crazier people than me when playing this game.  Like adding random ass people to your Facebook so you can get more free stuff and level up quicker.  It's absolutely insane.

So why are we so addicted to Facebook games?

I guess it really makes sense.  We're on Facebook all the time...and while we are waiting for shit to happen or people to post random ass shit...we are playing Farmville because we have nothing better to do with our lives.

I'm pathetic.  I will admit to that.

Or I'm just really bored out of my mind and I'd rather play Farmville than go back to playing WOW.  World of Warcraft to all those n00bs out there.

........
Must
Tend
To
My
Animals
!!!!!!


GAHHH!!!!

Click.Click.Boom.

I think the world likes to see me struggle in life.  Otherwise, why would it continuously shit on me?  I do not think there has been a moment in my life that has been super easy.  And yes I know, what doesn't kill you now only makes you stronger.  But really....REALLY LIFE? Can I just have one day off from complete bullshit?

I'm not sure when all this bad luck started, but I'm thinking it was when the pipes got clogged and our bedroom flooded.  Woke up at 4 in the morning to Cam swearing up a storm.  That wasn't fun. And every time I tried to help she seemed to get even more pissed off. So I just sat in the other room.

And the fucked up part about that WHOLE situation was that the girl upstairs who stays here every now and then knew that it was flooding but didn't tell anyone.  She just ignored it.  She could have prevented the whole thing if she would have said something...or stopped the fucking washing machine.

I should have called the plumber right then and there.  Then I wouldn't of had to deal with minimal water use for a week.

And what really adds to the stress is that we basically got it all under controlled...our bedroom floors were dry and smelling good (because I put down some deodorizer which I happened to be allergic to..that was wonderful) and then someone thought it was a great idea to run the dishwasher at night.

It's like, dude. You serious?

YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T RUN WATER! WHY ARE YOU RUNNING THE FUCKING DISHWASHER? USE FUCKING PAPER PLATES!

Smh....

Well, at least today is my day off and the plumber is on their way. At least that's one stress being taken away. Until I see the bill. Oh god....

*Update*

$300 down the drain.  Literally.  They were nice enough to put their camera down the pipes for free and the pipes are slipping apart.  One of the "slips" is about 2 1/2 wide.  Which means it could cost around $8000 to fix.  Ball park estimates.  It costs so much because they would have to dig up the pipe and just fix the whole damn thing.  Ugh...well. Hopefully it won't clog up again. And if it does, lets hope I'm still not living here.

Come on tax season.  Give me my refund so I can start looking into getting a house. Renting of course, but still. Somewhere where I don't have to worry about these kinds of things.  Land lord can deal with this shit.  Because the next time this ever happens, it better be my own house.

Saturdays.

I've had a lot of up and downs lately with my emotions.  I don't know whats going on.  But one thing that I can count on are my wonderful Saturday nights.

I remember a while ago (like a long long time ago) I basically did not have a social life.  It was pretty pathetic .  Like stay home by myself watching YouTube videos about random ass shit.  And now, I actually have fun around people I never would have thought I would be hanging out with back in High School.

But that is life. Takes you on some serious wild rides.

Beer Pong. Best Invention Ever. 

Work. Part 2.

So once again, I'm at a lost.

I guess that's nothing really new to anyone.  I'm a very lost person in general.  And air headed.  Mostly air headed.

But right now it has to do with work.  Oh how much I hate whining about the subject.  But I guess it's one of those things that is unavoidable when you truly hate your job.  With a passion. Lol.

Well, I don't hate my job with THAT much of a passion.  And honestly all the changes (basically the whole management team has changed) doesn't really bother me all too much since it makes sense to me to what they are trying to do with the store.  But what really stresses me out is basically all the little things.

Like the incompetence of others what effect everyone else.  People just don't understand the ripple effect.  When once person is behind...so is everyone else.  Every action causes a reaction and it pisses me off.  Because for one, I always get in trouble for it.  Even when I have no control over it.

But that's what happens when you are looking to be management. It's like a constant test to see how you preform under pressure...even if whatever situation you are put in will never happen to the actual manager because of the certain task that is assigned to whatever clerk.

This is probably confusing. But I'm not getting into specifics.  Because most likely I will get confused. Ha!

I guess what really gets me is that I hate getting thrown under the bus for something that is not in my control.  And I hate having to do more work than is necessary because other people are just to retarded to understand the concept that it is there job and they have to do it. But they are just to lazy to even care.

Sometimes I miss the days where I didn't try so hard.  I just showed up, did my job, and go home.  I don't mind going back and doing that crap again.  But what would the fun be in that? Not to mention I really like most of my crew and my boss can mostly be pretty cool.

I just have those days where I feel like not trying so hard.   Just throw my hands in the air and just give up.

And then I pull my head out of my ass and keep on keeping on.  

Time.

I know I posted a few months ago about the "honeymoon phase" and how I never wanted it to end.

Well, I think it's ended now.

Lol. But I guess its not a bad thing really.  Now is the time when the real relationship begins. When everything isn't all rainbows and lollipops, but the time where the dusts settles and you begin to show your true colors and if those colors mix beautifully together to create your future with one another.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that time will always move forward.  You can't go back to change what already has been done and you can't make time stand still to hold on to a moment.  You have to just keep going forward in order to learn.

Every day is going to be hard than the one before it.  There's no sense to thinking that things just get easier from here on out.

But who knows.  After getting over that blissful stage in the relationship you could find out so much more about them.  More in dept things that really could decide your future with them.

I know this sounds maybe a tad bit crazy but, I know for a damn fact that I'm spending the rest of my life with Cameron.  There's no doubt.  I love him, like truly love him.  And I don't see myself loving any man more than I love him.

So Like any other girl out there that is in love they imagine what their future will look like.  And like all girls out there, they imagine what their other half thinks their life is going to be in the future.

And what they imagine is where the interesting part is. Lol!

But whatever the future holds for me....it's not the destination that matters...it's the journey there.