Positive > Negative

I'm supposed to be cleaning today.  But....I'm procrastinating since I have this thought in my head and I don't want to lose it.

So I was chatting with a friend on Facebook about some recent events that happen to them.  And all I have to say is that I'm sorry things didn't work out for you two.  That was the happiest I have ever seen you and it breaks my heart that things just didn't go as planned.

But just because in the end it wasn't a good match...doesn't mean to just give up.

Love is a funny thing.  The more you learn about it, the make ups, the break ups, and the shake ups....the more appreciative you are when the next one arrives.  And then eventually you find "The One".

But you're never going to find "The One" if your constantly negative.  Think positive.  And having that positive aura around you makes you more attractive anyways.  So why not give it a try?

Shit happens in life and yes it's going to bring you down.  But that should not stop you from looking.  You'll find that person.  And it is possible.

So chin up my friend. And just remember, you have those around you who love and care about you.  No matter how many times you delete me from Facebook.

Get Over It.

Read something funny today. And I get the feeling that he's not over it.  And yes I Facebook stalk people.  It's dumb for a girl to say that they don't because we all fucking do that shit.  It's in our nature. Lol!

Anyways.

I think it's HILARIOUS that he says that he is aware of the fact that he knows what he did wrong...but it was wrong of me to just up and leave the way that I did. And also that we should have tried and work things out.

NEWS FLASH!

I did.  I tried for at LEAST two years.  In fact, I think I tired harder than I should have for a relationship that everyone with half a brain could tell that it was not going to work out in the end.

All those fights. Me constantly telling you that YOU needed to try harder.  And you agreeing.  And it only lasting a day until you went back to old habits.

Never wanting to hang out with my friends but forcing me to hang out with your friend. Forcing me to become something I am not.  Molding me into the person you saw fit instead of loving me for the person that I am.

Never standing up for me from your family even though that's all I ever did for you.  Made you look like a good man because I knew you had it in you but failed to own up to it.

Do not pin me as the antagonist in this anti love story.

Yes I cheated.  Yes I lied.  Yes I just up and left you to the dogs.  Took everything away from you that you ever cared about.

But think about all the shit you put me through those seven years that we were together.  All the times you lied to me.  Broken promises. The stress.  How badly you broke my heart.

You were my first love and you took that for granted. Stripped it bare and used it as your doormat.

But at least I can get over that and be happy now.  Because I did learn from all that.  Became a better person.  A much more wiser person. I now know my self worth.  I can look at you and not feel an ounce of love.  The only good thing that came out of us being together is our kids. Who are my life.  The reason why I keep going.  The reason I left you to give them a chance to grow up in a happy and loving environment. And for my son to know how a woman should be treated by a man who genuinely loves her.

So for the sake of your sanity and for the sanity of everyone around you.  Get over it.  Learn from it.  And for hell's sake move forward.

Sincerely, Your Ex.

Rambles.

So I was looking at all my past blogs and all I have to say is that I'm a fucking whiny ass bitch sometimes!

Lol!

And that there is at least 3 grammatical errors in each post. No matter how much I read through them.  It's like, after I click that "Publish" button I have no desire to fix that shit.  It's in the universe now. Whatever. 

But anyways....

Have you ever looked at or read some of the stuff you've written in the past?  It's pretty interesting stuff.  I kind of like doing that every so often and try to remember all the things that were going on in my life.

There was a lot of pent up anger back then.  And then there was a lot of sadness.  Then BAM! Super happy Stephanie!

It's nice to see the different shades of me though.  Makes me think of the kind of person I was back then and who I am today.

I really believe in knowing your past in order to know your future.  Because Fact, you are who you are because of the events in the past.  Whether you actually learned from it or not.  It's still what makes you who you are today.

But all in all. I like who I am today.  I like who I've become.  I like the place I am at in life.  I don't think I have ever been this happy.  Like ever.

But the one thing I am excited about is whats going to happen next.  I've got a lot on my plate.  But that doesn't phase me.  A busy bee is a happy bee! (Wow that's fucking corny!)

ANYWAYS.  So I'm almost at 2000 page views (Yeah Baby!) and I'm letting you guys pick a blog topic.  I'm thinking along the lines of some sort of challenge. So comment here or if your on my facebook vote there.  Which I think I should just do a facebook fan page since there are some people who read this who isn't my personal friends.

Yeah I'm that cool.

Lazy. Lazy.

Laziness.  It comes and goes. Typically.  But for some people, it's their personality.
And it bugs the shit out of me.

There are times when I feel like just doing nothing.  Sleep all day, not shower, and order in.  But I have kids, I have a job, and I have shit to do.  So laziness only last for a few hours.

But I see people who don't have a job. Don't have any kids (actually, there are some people who have kids and still don't do anything) and proceed to be just as lazy as fuck.

Now the reason why I bring this up is because I fucking hate being the house maid.  And right now, that's exactly how I feel.

Fucking Laundry.

I don't mind doing my laundry, my kid's laundry, or my boyfriend's laundry.  That shit I can handle.  It's the people who don't work, who stay home ALL FUCKING DAY and still is incapable of doing their MOUNDS of laundry in a timely matter.

From start to finish.  I can do five loads of laundry in about 6 hours. And that's mostly waiting for the dyer.

And on top of that.  I work a full time job and take care of two kids and my boyfriend part-time.  I say part time because he works all the time, oh and we work opposite shifts so I really don't see him that often.

But anyways. I just do not understand why it is SO FUCKING HARD to do your own laundry. Why is it that every week I have to finish their laundry in order to do mine?  It's ridiculous! You should just be able to do it yourself! Am I wrong?

I mean, What the fuck do you do all day? Seriously!

And why the hell do you always have so much laundry anyways?  That is what I do not get. Your home all day. Where the fuck do you go or do in order to have so many fucking clothes?

Uhggg......

This whole living with people who have no common sense thing is really getting old.    I can't wait till we move out.  Whenever the hell that will be.

>_< Balls.

Girls.

I think it's safe to say that girls run the world.  I mean, for one, they have that power over all kinds of men (except the gay men of course) because of that black magic center called their vagina. Lol.  A man will do anything to get to that.

But my question is, why the fuck do girls have to be so fucking crazy all the time.  For hell's sake I'm a girl and I have no idea why I have such crazy thoughts going through this pretty little head of mine.

For example.  When Cameron and I go to bed, we start cuddling.  Which is like the best thing to do after a crazy day of work and kids.  But then like 10 mins into it he lets go and rolls over to the other side.  And I'm like....

"WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY MUST YOU RUIN A GOOD THING!?? I WAS FALLING ASLEEP!!! DON'T YOU LOVE ME????!!!!"

But my logical thinking is like....

"Oh his arm must be asleep.  And he usually sleeps on his stomach.  It is a more comfortable sleeping position than a 130 pound body laying practically on top of him. He needs his sleep anyways."

See.  Absolute craziness.

Why can't our logical thinking overthrow our emotional thinking?  I guess that would make us men right. Oh wait....Men's physical needs overthrow their logical and emotional thinking. That's right....

Oh.  And what is up with girl's obsession with "bad boys"?  Why do girls continue to swoon over guys who treat them badly, take their women for granted, and just is out right rude to them?  Honestly I love a guy that is going to worship the ground I walk on.  But hey that bad boy "look" doesn't hurt.

Anyways.  I see to many girls around me just settling for the guys that are just bad people.  Users.  Guys that incapable of helping themselves and basically looks for that "mommy type" girl to take care of them because they are too lazy to do it themselves.

Hmm.... beginning to describe my ex. Ha!

But girls.  Your worth more than that.  If guys want a freaking mommy to take care of them.  Send them to their mother's house.  Your a mom to your kids. That all.  We carry the world on our shoulders, we don't need the extra weight.

So drop that son of a bitch.  (Yes this directed to someone if you didn't guess it) Your better than that.

Oh and ladies.  Find that guy that is going to be there for you.  Stop putting him in the friend zone.  And don't act all oblivious to the fact that he is so in love with you.  He sees you practically everyday.  Talks to you constantly.  Mind as well date the poor guy.

And don't give me that "Oh but I don't want to ruin our friendship!" crap.

Look.  Why do you think your guys' friendship is so good?  BECAUSE HE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT!

And what if he was the right guy for you.  The One. You would never know unless you find out.

So stop being such a fucking crazy ass person and just do it.

Fucking girls.

HA!

Sickly Random Rant.

I hate being sick.  It freaking sucks.  I hate that I'm always thirsty....even if I drink like five bottles of water.  I hate that my head is pounding.  I hate how I keep coughing.

Why.  Why on earth do we have to get sick?  And I was doing so well avoiding this too.

Man I need soup.  Soup sounds amazing right now.

Well, besides me acting like a complete baby....Life has been pretty damn good to me.  I have never felt so less drama...like ever.  Actually, all the drama is happening around me and I feel like I have front row tickets to all the main events!

I do find it all entertaining.  And it actually got to a point where I had to think...

"Holy Shit! Do I fucking sound like that when I rant on about random ass shit?"

Yeah, It was pretty mind blowing.  I figured that yes...yes I do sound like a whiny bitch and the guys are right about a lot of things.

Or in other drama news.  I am the person everyone goes to to let out some serious steam.  It's actually pretty cool that people generally come to me to talk about the problems that they have in their personal life.

However....why people come to me and ask for romance advise I have no idea.  I mean, yeah my current relationship is fucking amazing! I mean beYOND awesome.  But my track record is pretty shitty.

But I guess that kind of makes me the perfect person to talk to?  Since I have gone through a lot and I ACTUALLY learned from my experiences and that is the reason why I am so happy now.

Ha!

Fuck if I know. I'm like high on cold medicine.   Explains why this blog is pretty fucking random.

I need soup.

Love Notes.

Came home from work and saw this on my desk top of my computer. <3

There is no better feeling than finding a love note after a hard day at work.  Even if it's just something as simple as an "I Love You" written on a post-it note next to the night stand or a note pad file left up on your computer.

I wasn't having a terrible day at work, just feeling a little sickly.  But the moment I read that note it just made me feel so much better and now I just cannot stop smiling.  This is what the note said. Copy and Paste.... grammatical errors and all (another reason why I couldn't stop laughing/smiling).

"Baby,

Thank you for everything you do. All i can say is.. im so lucky to call you mine. I hope the rest of your day is relaxing, and you can chill out to get ready for the next week. If there is anything in my life that gives me drive and determination to never quit, its you. Don't ever change, because your perfect.

I love you,
-Me

-by the way make sure you put a load in the washer, ill put it in the dryer and fold it when i get home."

^-^

I swear.  There is no more perfect person than this man.  He is everything (and more) that I have ever wanted in a man.  He is always there for me whenever I need him.  Even when I don't need him.  Never afraid to show the world how much he loves me.  Even if it grosses out his friends and family.  Ha ha!

Never have I felt so in love.

I just feel like the most luckiest girl in the world. I can't help but feel like I am on air.

Baby, I love you.  More than you will ever know.

Work Ethic.

So I was talking to a co worker today about how stupid kids now a days are.  No joke.  I mean, I'm only a few years older than some of the guys on my crew yet my work ethic is WAY different than their.  I just don't understand how you expect to get payed, but not do the job that your required to do.

I mean, its a freaking job.  Just freaking do it.  Why make it harder on everyone else (and then in turn yourself)  because your too lazy to do the most simplest task.  

I mean is it really that hard to one, look for what you need on the sales floor. Two, get all the shit you need from the back room and stick it on a cart.  Three, put everything out on the sales floor.  Four, throw away all the nasty shit.

Simple.  Right?  Hell, I think so.  I'm pretty sure monkeys can do the job.  In fact, that's a good idea.  Hire a bunch of monkeys....but then they would eat all the bananas. LOL.  

Uhhgggg.......Stupid kids.  Just do the damn job.  And then I will stop being a bitch to you. Ha!   

Maybe.

Oh but on the bright side.  The new bulk manager is like begging for me to be in his department because I'm such an awesome working....with common sense.  It's nice to feel wanted. Oh yeah....

August.

I feel like it's been a century since I've been able to blog.  Not having internet for a month is killer.  Especially since I payed for it, but didn't get to use it.  Which was super retarded.

But just to kind of catch everyone up with kind of everything that has gone down since the last time I posted....

I currently live with my boyfriend.  Which is kind of "wow.....that was quick!" but this is what happened.  House I was living at was infested with mice. Land lord totally knew about it but didn't say anything to my former roommates.  House got condemned....Didn't have anywhere to go, so I ended up moving me and my two kids into his place.

Has anything really changed...Not really.  Only because we were practically living together anyways.  I mean, if he wasn't at my place I was at his.  The only difference now is that I do his laundry and my kids actually see us together.

It's been a month now since I've moved it and it's been pretty good.  I think it really has brought us a little closer which is absolutely amazing...or my head is in the clouds and shit just seems all good. Ha!

August was one of those months that seemed like a lot of shit went down, but you really don't remember much on all of the details because only the good feelings shine through.

Like right now. All I feel is love.  I don't think I've ever loved anyone as much as I love Cameron.  Well...besides my kids, But that's a given.  Duh.  But, I don't know what it is with that guy.  He just makes me so happy....to the point where when the room is all cleaned from the party that we had last night I was dancing around the room like an idiot. Lol!

But happy is a good feeling.  And with all the stupid fucking shit that happened during August, like not having a place to live...getting cheated out on money....working my ass off....not having my kids for two weeks...burning Cameron's birthday dinner (yeah...I did that. I'm a fucking noob)....that all seems like nothing compared to all the good feelings I have right now.

Life is good.  And for once it's stable.  Well kind of.