Work. Part 2.

So once again, I'm at a lost.

I guess that's nothing really new to anyone.  I'm a very lost person in general.  And air headed.  Mostly air headed.

But right now it has to do with work.  Oh how much I hate whining about the subject.  But I guess it's one of those things that is unavoidable when you truly hate your job.  With a passion. Lol.

Well, I don't hate my job with THAT much of a passion.  And honestly all the changes (basically the whole management team has changed) doesn't really bother me all too much since it makes sense to me to what they are trying to do with the store.  But what really stresses me out is basically all the little things.

Like the incompetence of others what effect everyone else.  People just don't understand the ripple effect.  When once person is behind...so is everyone else.  Every action causes a reaction and it pisses me off.  Because for one, I always get in trouble for it.  Even when I have no control over it.

But that's what happens when you are looking to be management. It's like a constant test to see how you preform under pressure...even if whatever situation you are put in will never happen to the actual manager because of the certain task that is assigned to whatever clerk.

This is probably confusing. But I'm not getting into specifics.  Because most likely I will get confused. Ha!

I guess what really gets me is that I hate getting thrown under the bus for something that is not in my control.  And I hate having to do more work than is necessary because other people are just to retarded to understand the concept that it is there job and they have to do it. But they are just to lazy to even care.

Sometimes I miss the days where I didn't try so hard.  I just showed up, did my job, and go home.  I don't mind going back and doing that crap again.  But what would the fun be in that? Not to mention I really like most of my crew and my boss can mostly be pretty cool.

I just have those days where I feel like not trying so hard.   Just throw my hands in the air and just give up.

And then I pull my head out of my ass and keep on keeping on.  

Time.

I know I posted a few months ago about the "honeymoon phase" and how I never wanted it to end.

Well, I think it's ended now.

Lol. But I guess its not a bad thing really.  Now is the time when the real relationship begins. When everything isn't all rainbows and lollipops, but the time where the dusts settles and you begin to show your true colors and if those colors mix beautifully together to create your future with one another.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that time will always move forward.  You can't go back to change what already has been done and you can't make time stand still to hold on to a moment.  You have to just keep going forward in order to learn.

Every day is going to be hard than the one before it.  There's no sense to thinking that things just get easier from here on out.

But who knows.  After getting over that blissful stage in the relationship you could find out so much more about them.  More in dept things that really could decide your future with them.

I know this sounds maybe a tad bit crazy but, I know for a damn fact that I'm spending the rest of my life with Cameron.  There's no doubt.  I love him, like truly love him.  And I don't see myself loving any man more than I love him.

So Like any other girl out there that is in love they imagine what their future will look like.  And like all girls out there, they imagine what their other half thinks their life is going to be in the future.

And what they imagine is where the interesting part is. Lol!

But whatever the future holds for me....it's not the destination that matters...it's the journey there.

Positive > Negative

I'm supposed to be cleaning today.  But....I'm procrastinating since I have this thought in my head and I don't want to lose it.

So I was chatting with a friend on Facebook about some recent events that happen to them.  And all I have to say is that I'm sorry things didn't work out for you two.  That was the happiest I have ever seen you and it breaks my heart that things just didn't go as planned.

But just because in the end it wasn't a good match...doesn't mean to just give up.

Love is a funny thing.  The more you learn about it, the make ups, the break ups, and the shake ups....the more appreciative you are when the next one arrives.  And then eventually you find "The One".

But you're never going to find "The One" if your constantly negative.  Think positive.  And having that positive aura around you makes you more attractive anyways.  So why not give it a try?

Shit happens in life and yes it's going to bring you down.  But that should not stop you from looking.  You'll find that person.  And it is possible.

So chin up my friend. And just remember, you have those around you who love and care about you.  No matter how many times you delete me from Facebook.

Get Over It.

Read something funny today. And I get the feeling that he's not over it.  And yes I Facebook stalk people.  It's dumb for a girl to say that they don't because we all fucking do that shit.  It's in our nature. Lol!

Anyways.

I think it's HILARIOUS that he says that he is aware of the fact that he knows what he did wrong...but it was wrong of me to just up and leave the way that I did. And also that we should have tried and work things out.

NEWS FLASH!

I did.  I tried for at LEAST two years.  In fact, I think I tired harder than I should have for a relationship that everyone with half a brain could tell that it was not going to work out in the end.

All those fights. Me constantly telling you that YOU needed to try harder.  And you agreeing.  And it only lasting a day until you went back to old habits.

Never wanting to hang out with my friends but forcing me to hang out with your friend. Forcing me to become something I am not.  Molding me into the person you saw fit instead of loving me for the person that I am.

Never standing up for me from your family even though that's all I ever did for you.  Made you look like a good man because I knew you had it in you but failed to own up to it.

Do not pin me as the antagonist in this anti love story.

Yes I cheated.  Yes I lied.  Yes I just up and left you to the dogs.  Took everything away from you that you ever cared about.

But think about all the shit you put me through those seven years that we were together.  All the times you lied to me.  Broken promises. The stress.  How badly you broke my heart.

You were my first love and you took that for granted. Stripped it bare and used it as your doormat.

But at least I can get over that and be happy now.  Because I did learn from all that.  Became a better person.  A much more wiser person. I now know my self worth.  I can look at you and not feel an ounce of love.  The only good thing that came out of us being together is our kids. Who are my life.  The reason why I keep going.  The reason I left you to give them a chance to grow up in a happy and loving environment. And for my son to know how a woman should be treated by a man who genuinely loves her.

So for the sake of your sanity and for the sanity of everyone around you.  Get over it.  Learn from it.  And for hell's sake move forward.

Sincerely, Your Ex.

Rambles.

So I was looking at all my past blogs and all I have to say is that I'm a fucking whiny ass bitch sometimes!

Lol!

And that there is at least 3 grammatical errors in each post. No matter how much I read through them.  It's like, after I click that "Publish" button I have no desire to fix that shit.  It's in the universe now. Whatever. 

But anyways....

Have you ever looked at or read some of the stuff you've written in the past?  It's pretty interesting stuff.  I kind of like doing that every so often and try to remember all the things that were going on in my life.

There was a lot of pent up anger back then.  And then there was a lot of sadness.  Then BAM! Super happy Stephanie!

It's nice to see the different shades of me though.  Makes me think of the kind of person I was back then and who I am today.

I really believe in knowing your past in order to know your future.  Because Fact, you are who you are because of the events in the past.  Whether you actually learned from it or not.  It's still what makes you who you are today.

But all in all. I like who I am today.  I like who I've become.  I like the place I am at in life.  I don't think I have ever been this happy.  Like ever.

But the one thing I am excited about is whats going to happen next.  I've got a lot on my plate.  But that doesn't phase me.  A busy bee is a happy bee! (Wow that's fucking corny!)

ANYWAYS.  So I'm almost at 2000 page views (Yeah Baby!) and I'm letting you guys pick a blog topic.  I'm thinking along the lines of some sort of challenge. So comment here or if your on my facebook vote there.  Which I think I should just do a facebook fan page since there are some people who read this who isn't my personal friends.

Yeah I'm that cool.

Lazy. Lazy.

Laziness.  It comes and goes. Typically.  But for some people, it's their personality.
And it bugs the shit out of me.

There are times when I feel like just doing nothing.  Sleep all day, not shower, and order in.  But I have kids, I have a job, and I have shit to do.  So laziness only last for a few hours.

But I see people who don't have a job. Don't have any kids (actually, there are some people who have kids and still don't do anything) and proceed to be just as lazy as fuck.

Now the reason why I bring this up is because I fucking hate being the house maid.  And right now, that's exactly how I feel.

Fucking Laundry.

I don't mind doing my laundry, my kid's laundry, or my boyfriend's laundry.  That shit I can handle.  It's the people who don't work, who stay home ALL FUCKING DAY and still is incapable of doing their MOUNDS of laundry in a timely matter.

From start to finish.  I can do five loads of laundry in about 6 hours. And that's mostly waiting for the dyer.

And on top of that.  I work a full time job and take care of two kids and my boyfriend part-time.  I say part time because he works all the time, oh and we work opposite shifts so I really don't see him that often.

But anyways. I just do not understand why it is SO FUCKING HARD to do your own laundry. Why is it that every week I have to finish their laundry in order to do mine?  It's ridiculous! You should just be able to do it yourself! Am I wrong?

I mean, What the fuck do you do all day? Seriously!

And why the hell do you always have so much laundry anyways?  That is what I do not get. Your home all day. Where the fuck do you go or do in order to have so many fucking clothes?

Uhggg......

This whole living with people who have no common sense thing is really getting old.    I can't wait till we move out.  Whenever the hell that will be.

>_< Balls.

Girls.

I think it's safe to say that girls run the world.  I mean, for one, they have that power over all kinds of men (except the gay men of course) because of that black magic center called their vagina. Lol.  A man will do anything to get to that.

But my question is, why the fuck do girls have to be so fucking crazy all the time.  For hell's sake I'm a girl and I have no idea why I have such crazy thoughts going through this pretty little head of mine.

For example.  When Cameron and I go to bed, we start cuddling.  Which is like the best thing to do after a crazy day of work and kids.  But then like 10 mins into it he lets go and rolls over to the other side.  And I'm like....

"WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY MUST YOU RUIN A GOOD THING!?? I WAS FALLING ASLEEP!!! DON'T YOU LOVE ME????!!!!"

But my logical thinking is like....

"Oh his arm must be asleep.  And he usually sleeps on his stomach.  It is a more comfortable sleeping position than a 130 pound body laying practically on top of him. He needs his sleep anyways."

See.  Absolute craziness.

Why can't our logical thinking overthrow our emotional thinking?  I guess that would make us men right. Oh wait....Men's physical needs overthrow their logical and emotional thinking. That's right....

Oh.  And what is up with girl's obsession with "bad boys"?  Why do girls continue to swoon over guys who treat them badly, take their women for granted, and just is out right rude to them?  Honestly I love a guy that is going to worship the ground I walk on.  But hey that bad boy "look" doesn't hurt.

Anyways.  I see to many girls around me just settling for the guys that are just bad people.  Users.  Guys that incapable of helping themselves and basically looks for that "mommy type" girl to take care of them because they are too lazy to do it themselves.

Hmm.... beginning to describe my ex. Ha!

But girls.  Your worth more than that.  If guys want a freaking mommy to take care of them.  Send them to their mother's house.  Your a mom to your kids. That all.  We carry the world on our shoulders, we don't need the extra weight.

So drop that son of a bitch.  (Yes this directed to someone if you didn't guess it) Your better than that.

Oh and ladies.  Find that guy that is going to be there for you.  Stop putting him in the friend zone.  And don't act all oblivious to the fact that he is so in love with you.  He sees you practically everyday.  Talks to you constantly.  Mind as well date the poor guy.

And don't give me that "Oh but I don't want to ruin our friendship!" crap.

Look.  Why do you think your guys' friendship is so good?  BECAUSE HE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT!

And what if he was the right guy for you.  The One. You would never know unless you find out.

So stop being such a fucking crazy ass person and just do it.

Fucking girls.

HA!