Honeymoon Phase.

With every new relationship, the first few months is known as the "Honeymoon Phase".  Which basically everything is just freaking amazing.  But when does that phase end....And why does it stop anyways?

Questions that Cameron and I have been kind of asking.  Or at least we've been talking about it and just mostly making fun of the whole thing.  And what are the indicators are when you start noticing that bliss is beginning to fickle.

How do you go from never wanting to leave that special person's company to can't freaking standing to look at their stupid face and just wanting to rip their throat out when then start talking?

It's been almost two months since Cameron and I have been dating and yeah, we are so at that stage.  Never wanting to be apart from each other....fucking like rabbits (which by the way...how much sex is too much sex?  I guess when you get to the point where you can't fucking walking straight because your vagina is sore....right? Ha! Yeah I went there). But what really changes in the relationship where all that stops...or at least slows down?

Honestly the best conclusion I can come up with is that you get too used to a person and all the little things that were cute in the beginning just become very very annoying.  But it's really hard to actually pinpoint and answer.  Unless your really paying attention.  But every situation is different I suppose, so there really isn't a definitive answer.

All I know is that I really like this stage.  Haven't felt like this in a very long time.  But I know from past experiences that there are a few steps you can take to make this phase last a bit longer.

One.  Always be upfront. Show your true colors from the get go.  Or at least let them know that you do have a crazy side to you so they can be prepare for when it eventually comes out.  Why hide a side of yourself.  It's not going to stay dormant forever.  Mind as well give the guy a fair warning.  That way, when all is said and done you can say "I told you so".

Two. Honesty.  That's a given. But be in depth about it.  Tell them your past and what you look forward to in the future.  If your past bothers them, then it's obviously not going to work out.  The past is part of who you are and it is what makes you what you are today.  And if they are scared of the future, then they are just not ready for a relationship.  And talking about the future helps get things out of the way...If your futures are too different from each other then it will most likely not work out.  As a couple you have to have common goals.  Because being on a different page than your partner can lead to a lot of misunderstandings. And never ever keep anything from your partner.  Just don't do it.  Hiding shit can only cause harm.  Because once that person finds out. Oh there will be hell to pay.  And it could have been avoided if you would have just told them in the beginning. 

Three. Relax.  Don't be so uptight about little things.  No one is perfect.  People have their quirks, their bad habits, their traditions.  All those things should be the reason why you are so attracted to them.  And how can you be in love with someone when you can't appreciate the little things? If that's the case, then your in love with someone that they are pretending to be or what you want them to be which is fail from the start.

These are just some of the things that I've learned from my past and I am defiantly applying it into my present relationship.  I know there is still a lot to learn but I think this is a good start.  And I don't want this phase to ever end and if I can take steps into it lasting longer than the average. Then fuck yes I am going to do it.  I've seen too many relationships fall apart because of stupid little things.  

But I guess in the end, if a relationship ends because of something easily fixed, it obviously was not a good relationship to begin with.  And hopefully to two people involved learned from their mistakes and become a tad more wiser for their next one.  

I'm hoping for that being the case for me and Cameron.  So far so (so very) good.

Future. Part 1.

OMG.....WAFFLES!!! Looks so good....Yum. And yes I made this all by myself. ^_^

I've been thinking a lot about my future lately.  And I don't know why because (actually I do know why because this topic was brought up last night while talking to Cameron and again when I was talking to my boss....anyways....) thinking too much about what you want to happen in life can sometimes be bad.  Mostly because a lot of the times shit doesn't go as planned and all your left is disappointment.  


I think the main thing that I've been thinking about is what I want to be when I grow up.  Funny right?  Actually it's more like, what do I want to be doing job wise in 10 years.  Honestly, I don't want to be in retail grocery anymore.  I want to be done with it now.  Don't get me wrong.  It's a decent job, I get pretty good pay, and my benefits are pretty awesome.  But I hate having to get up every morning and doing the same damn grind every day.  It's unnecessarily stressful and there are time where I feel like I'm not getting any better at my job.


It's pretty damn hard work.  Upside to it is that I don't have to go to the gym three times a week because I get my workout there.  Reasons why I've lost so much weight in the past year.  But it gets to a point where it's tiring me way too much where I get home and all I want to do is sleep.  I feel so exhausted all the time.  


I mean, if I want to be drained all the time, I'd rather be doing something that I love.  Something I can be excited about doing every day and be willing to pour my heart and soul into.  That's why I'm for sure going back to school next year.  =D


And don't just stupid sit in the class room and listen to boring crap all day kind of school.  I want to go to culinary school.  Take some awesome cooking classes so one day I can open up my own restaurant and be my own boss and actually be passionate about my job.  


If there is one thing that I love doing and that I'm super passionate about it's got to be cooking.  I think I'm pretty good at it.  And there are people who say the same things too. But I want to go to school for it because there is so much that is out there that I don't even have a clue.  And one thing that I would love to get better at is baking.  


I'm not the best baker....I actually fail pretty hard on it.  But if I can learn and start really making up my own recipes I would be in heaven.  Because I love cookies.  Like, I really fucking love cookies.  

I just really want to be excited about going to work again.  And make a mark in this world by feeding people awesome food.  I just want to start this new beginning like right now.  But unfortunately there are a few things I have to take care of first. ^_^

Stupid Hoe.

I love it when people call me immature.  It's like the spark to an uncontrollable flame.

But I think the best part about situations like these is that people will always look at the other person and only see their faults.  Never their own.  So my thing is.  Don't start shit unless your ready to finish it.

So this Crazy (my boyfriend's ex) is my Facebook stalker.  She found out who I am and stalked the fuck out of me.  Then proceeded to talk down on me.

My life is an open book.  I do not feel the need to hide anything from anyone.  From my mellow side to warning people about my crazy side.   Oh yeah and I'm very protective too.  Protective of my family, my friends, my kids, and my boyfriend.  And the shit you crazy bitch do to him is uncalled for and immature.

Take it from someone who knows.  You are LUCKY as HELL to have a baby daddy like Cameron.  He ACTUALLY wants to be a part of his daughter's life.  Who does whatever he can to be there for her and provide for her.  But just because shit didn't work out between you too doesn't mean you have to treat him like shit.  I wish that my own ex would try as hard as Cameron does. 

Yeah, I'm mean to my ex.  I understand, exes are hard to deal with especially if children are involved.  But that doesn't mean for you to rub every single relationship you have with other men in his face.  Whatever is on your Facebook is on your Facebook.  People have the choice to look at that.  But when your texting pictures directly to his phone.  That is just cruel. You do not do that.  Only CHILDREN do that kind of shit.....And you have the balls to call me immature?

Oh yeah, you can bet your ass I'm putting you on blast.  Maybe you should of thought about that before you started being all creeper status on my Facebook.

Yeah, I have two BEAUTIFUL children, I was married,  I have curves, what the fuck ever.  I am more of a woman then you can ever be.  And I'm pretty sure your all pent up on the fact that he Loves me.

And you know what.  He is a good man.  But you could never see that because your too fucking crazy.  But hey.  Good for me.  Because I have him now and I make him happy.  More happy then you could ever imagine yourself making any man.

Oh and bitch, Don't ever think I'm done.  I am never done.  You get to have the pleasure of dealing with me for the rest of your life.  Because I'm here to stay.

Epic Troll.

Now if you are on my Facebook you probably know what this was all about.  If you don't reading it would probably explain the whole thing.  But lets go into detail anyways because I need to work on my story telling anyways. 

So a few days ago I announced to everyone on Facebook that I was 5 weeks pregnant.  And everyone believed me.  It was, to say the least, freaking HILARIOUS.   Because if you know me, you would have heard me rant on and on about how I do not want any more children at the moment.  Maybe in a few years if I'm really up for it.  Probably around the age where normal people have children. Ha! And my birth control isn't up for another two years anyways so why freaking pull that shit out!?  

Well anyways, today I posted this lovely photo on Facebook and then the even more hilarious part began.  Most of my friends thought it was funny...actually all of them did.  There were a few people on Cameron's side that apparently have no sense of humor and took offense.  Why people were offended I have no idea.  Because us being pregnant affect the whole world....apparently.  

Anyways.  This whole prank started out innocently enough....at first it was supposed to be a fake break-up.  (The whole pranking our friend's was Cameron's idea.)  Well.....Like everything I do, I had to take it to the next level and say we should do a fake pregnancy.  Yup....that part was totally my idea.

Mostly because I thought it would be a lot more believable than a break-up.  Because honestly we are perfect for each other so why would we break-up? Lol! ;) Just Kidding. Kind of anyways. We are perfect. Period. And....Everyone seems to be getting pregnant now days. So that's two points.

All in all it was an awesome prank.  And we trolled the fuck out of you people.  Hope you enjoyed that bit of mind fuck.  But you know what they say....

A couple that trolls together....Stays together. 

Love you Baby!  

Unicorns and Rainbows and Shit.

I fucking love unicorns.  Yeah....just thought I throw that out there.  And cookies. I fucking love cookies.  I wish I could bake better so I could make a shit ton of fucking cookies.  And then I could create a unicorn cookie.  Something along the lines of sugar cookies with like Skittles in it.

Because you know, unicorns and rainbows go hand and hand.  And I bet if you eat enough rainbow type stuff you could probably see real life unicorns.  And yes.  Unicorns fucking exist.  No joke.  They do.

That's what I want for Christmas.  A real life unicorn and a easy bake oven. Yeah buddy.....

Random maybe? I think YES!

Happiness.

There have been so many things that could give me a reason to just give up, crawl under the covers, and forget about life.  I think maybe two or three months ago I probably would have.  But I find it very hard to be upset about anything for too long.....with a few exceptions of course.

But I think what I am getting at is that I feel so happy now.  It's kind of an odd feeling after feeling so sad and angry for so long that happiness is like a strange new drug and I'm just barely getting used to it's side effects.

I feel like I'm constantly on air. Always a smile, always a laugh.  And its a pretty damn good feeling.

All I know is that I really like this Stephanie that has decided to come out and play.   All  those other Stephanie can just stay dormant.  No one wants to deal with them. Ha!

Clean Slate.

I think it is funny how everyone thinks I am the hostile one when it came the the break up between me and the ex.  Okay, so maybe not everyone but there are a few out there. Anyways...in truth, I am only hostile because he's the idiot that likes to run his mouth in front of the children.

In short.  He said some really fucked up shit and my boy reported it back to me.  Poor child had no idea that what was said was going to make me very upset.  I actually had to just go outside and calm down because I was so angry.  

What he said you ask?? Something along the lines of .....

"If Stephanie needs money, she should just ask her boyfriend."

Okay....First off.  The only reason I ever ask your sorry ass for any help is well because I have the kids full time you jackass. I'm pretty sure they eat....and need new clothes...and fuck...they're kids. Kids cost money.  I'm sorry.  If you didn't want this responsibility then maybe you should have learned to pull out!

Second.  It is not the responsibility of my boyfriend to take care of your kids.  But you know what, flat out, he is a much better father than you will ever be.  Period.

............  (-_-)*

I have a lot of pent up anger on this subject.  It just makes me very angry because you don't say that kind of stuff to or around you child.  They are already having a hard enough time with this change without you being a complete ass about things.  So why don't you just shut it and fucking get over it and be a fucking role model to your son.  

But you know what.  That was the final straw.  Memories of whatever happy times we had together is gone.  I was going to keep those things because I thought it would be nice for the kids when they got older....but you know.  Why hold on to a lie?  

Time to clean my fucking slate of you...for good this time.

Conversations.

Ever just lay there and talk to someone to love until you realize that the night is gone and it's time to get ready for work? Yup. That would be me. =]

Sometimes the conversation can be about something, other times its just about nothing. But that is what makes it so perfect.  Beyond sweet nothings. <3

 I swear, there is not enough time in the day or the night. Time just moves much to quickly when I'm with him. And much to slowly without him.

Fun Times in July!

July is a very busy time for me.  Reasons why I haven't posted too much lately.  But I wanted to take some time to say happy birthday to both of my kids.

July 4, 2006
Christopher-Derek Aurin Rzepkowski was born on Independence Day.  And a very independent boy he is.  I love him with all my heart and he is my right hand man.  Yes he can be annoying, rowdy, obnoxiousness, loud, violent, and just plain rude.  But he is my son.  And no matter what shades of color you may have I will love you.  So much has changed in his life recently and I'm happy to see that he is slowly adjusting to the change.  Remember little boy, Mommy will always put you first before anything else.  What I do, I do for you because I want you to have many things in your life as well as a better future than mine.  Make great choices and learn from your mistakes.

July 8, 2009
Elizabeth-Paige Airilyn Rzepkowski, my problem child.  And when I say problem I mean that her pregnancy was more difficult than Chris'.  She had a harder time coming into this world but she made it in happy and healthy.  Every person she comes in contact will can't help but just fall in love with her.  She has a wonderful personality that will just brighten up the more darkest days.  She is my singer, my dancer, my pretty little girl.  My advice to you, never let anyone put you down.  You are beautiful inside and out.  Follow whatever dreams you have in life.  Because no matter how unrealistic it may be I will always be by your side.

I have been blessed with two very talented and just plain wonderful children.  I can't wait to see them grow up into their own.   They are my reasons for breathing, living, succeeding.  They are my everything.   So Happy Birthday to the both of you.  I Love You!  

One Step Forward. Two Steps Back.

Ever have that feeling where you know your going forward, yet you still feel like your going back?

That's how I've been feeling with today.  About a few things really.

Mostly it's work.  I know I work hard.  And supposedly so do other people.  But when it boils down to it.  I am not where I need to be.  It's been a year since I've transferred and I should be the freaking all star.  Better than everyone else times ten.  But I'm not. And it really bugs me.

I'm still too slow. I forget things.  And I should be a lot stronger physically so I can be faster.  But I'm not.  No matter how much sleep I get.  And it seems like the less sleep I get the better my performance is. Weird right?  I function much better on 3 hours than I do with 8.

But anyways.  I know I've worked my ass off these past few months because of this stupid new program that has implemented and all I ask is for one particular day off.  And what happens? I don't get it.  It's retarded and unfair.  Since all the other guys get whatever day off they want yet I'm stuck having to work on both my kid's birthdays.

Hard work apparently doesn't pay off.  I wish I could find something different with the same benefits.  But that's unlikely and very shitty.  But I guess I just have to stick it out like I always do.  Girls gotta eat. And I eat a lot.  No joke.  It's gross.

I don't know.  I hate having to deal with these up and down emotions I have with my job.  I really do love the place I work at and the people I work with but sometimes enough is enough.  I need a god damn break and its stupid that I'm never given that.

I am annoyed to the max.  But life goes on.  I guess.