Ever have that feeling where you know your going forward, yet you still feel like your going back?
That's how I've been feeling with today. About a few things really.
Mostly it's work. I know I work hard. And supposedly so do other people. But when it boils down to it. I am not where I need to be. It's been a year since I've transferred and I should be the freaking all star. Better than everyone else times ten. But I'm not. And it really bugs me.
I'm still too slow. I forget things. And I should be a lot stronger physically so I can be faster. But I'm not. No matter how much sleep I get. And it seems like the less sleep I get the better my performance is. Weird right? I function much better on 3 hours than I do with 8.
But anyways. I know I've worked my ass off these past few months because of this stupid new program that has implemented and all I ask is for one particular day off. And what happens? I don't get it. It's retarded and unfair. Since all the other guys get whatever day off they want yet I'm stuck having to work on both my kid's birthdays.
Hard work apparently doesn't pay off. I wish I could find something different with the same benefits. But that's unlikely and very shitty. But I guess I just have to stick it out like I always do. Girls gotta eat. And I eat a lot. No joke. It's gross.
I don't know. I hate having to deal with these up and down emotions I have with my job. I really do love the place I work at and the people I work with but sometimes enough is enough. I need a god damn break and its stupid that I'm never given that.
I am annoyed to the max. But life goes on. I guess.
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