Well That Was Unexpected.....

Ever get a text message from someone and the instant you see the name flash on your phone you can actually feel the heat rising on your face and notice how hard your heart is pumping?

Yeah that was me today.

Finally when I start to just let it all go and come to peace with things. I get a text.

......Fucking bastard.

But what can you do?  Shit happens and people just decide that they want you in their life.  I don't feel special. Mostly, I just want to know what the hell is going on in their head.  Then again......LOL!

But you know. I do miss the conversations we had in the past.  It was mostly just stupid random shit that meant nothing.  But it was still nice.  A conversation is a conversation.  And I am a really talkative person.  I need social interaction.  Even if its via text message or facebook.

Now the real question is, do I let them back into my thoughts and my heart. Or should I just go along with this stupid game because its just going to end up like before.

I over think too much.  I should just go with the flow.

In Need of a Lengthy Vacation...

Last fall when I was in San Francisco.  Japan Town to be exact! 

I feel like an over worked robot. That's if robots can be overworked....Well I guess they can.  Worked until they break down. Which happened last month when I was admitted to the hospital.

But man this week has been killer on me!  I've worked every single day this week!  And I don't get a day off until Thursday.  It totally blows.  Why do people have to be so unreliable??  I mean, yeah I get it.  Shit happens.  But don't let it effect your job and make poor little ol' me work like a dog.

A sled dog. Always being forced to keep on going....

But what really gets me is that I should be in California right now! Tomorrow is my best friend's wedding and I'm going to miss it.  And it really sucks.

Hate my life right now.

Oh well, I guess its best for me to not be out of town right now.  Since I need the money anyways to get a new car and a new place.

Gah...........

Dear Liza.....

Dear Elizabeth-Paige,

Why on EARTH did you cut your hair?  I swear! You just want to look like a hobo child don't you!?  And it's already bad enough that your grandmother dresses you up in clothes from the 80s and 90s.  But now you have this ugly bowl hair cut that makes you look like your brother. >_<

Uuuggghhhh!! You make me so mad sometimes child.

You know what I'm going to do?  Take pictures of this hideous hair cut, blow it up, frame it, and hang it up in the living room.  So when your older and you start bring friends and boyfriends over to the house, they are going to see your stupid hair and make fun of you.

And when your 15 I'm cutting your hair super short while you sleep. BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Serves you right for not listening to me when I say " DO NOT CUT YOUR HAIR!!!!"


Love, Mom

Tough Girls Have Feelings Too You Know....

Why is it that when you stand up for yourself, don't take stupid shit from other people, and act tough....people forget that you still have feelings?

I can handle a lot, I really do (however I'm sure this blog doesn't depict that image of me).  And when I'm out with friends, I can play hard just like one of the guys.  But I think it's because I act that way they forget that I'm capable of crying.

So when you tell me that you just want to be friends because you like talking to me or because you value me as a friend.  Don't act surprised when I'm hurt and/or angry at the fact that you just basically threw me out on my ass and act like I do not exist.

It hurts the worst when you just ignore me.

But I get it.  Apparently your going through hard times.  But isn't that what friends are for?  To be there for each other and talk to one another for comfort and support?  At least that's what I thought friends do.

And, yeah we have a past.  But you already put a stop to that.  Which I completely understand.  Just don't act like none of it ever happened.  Its insulting for one.  But my feelings doesn't mean a damn thing to you now does it?

I'm a good person.  And I'm a good friend.

So lets look at it this way.  One less person I can not think about during my day and worry if they are doing alright in life.  One less person I can count on if I'm having a bad day and need to talk to someone and one less person I have to listen to when their world is falling apart.

Just one less person for me to love since obviously they do not love me back.

So really....is it a loss?

It just would have been nice for a little heads up for whatever the hell is going on.  I think I deserve a little explanation.  But maybe that's too much to ask for.  I know I'm a tough girl and I can handle it.  And eventually I will get over it and get over you.  But for now I'm just hurt.

Family of Mine.....How I Miss You So.....

I've been feeling a little home sick lately. I miss my family.  Maybe its because of the stress....the many different forms of stress.  And there the fact that I was supposed to go to California this weekend but that's not happening.

I don't know....I'm just thankful that I have some really awesome friends here that fill up the void.  I honestly do not know what I would do without them.  Probably have the biggest panic attack and end up shooting myself in the head.

Probably.

One of these day I'll go back to Minnesota and visit my parent. I miss them.  And I do feel bad about some of the things that went wrong in our relationship. But sometimes shit just happens.  I just wish they understand my side of the story and stop taking sides. Even thought they claim to not.  But whatever.

Maybe in a few years I will go.  Hopefully I'm not too late either.

Dear Christopher......

Dear Christopher-Derek,

First of all, I'm really sorry I gave you a dreadfully long name. And I also kind of wish I gave you my last name because, well, its better.  But you know, I was 15 at the time when I picked it out.  So can you blame me?  But I will promise that when your older and having kids of your own, hopefully you'll be at least 25, I won't make fun of any of the names you pick out for your kids. Deal?

But I just wanted to tell you how much of a pain in the ass you can be.  Its already bad enough your turning 6 this summer and you make me feel super duper old.  But man don't you annoy the crap out of me!

I love you an all that good stuff, but man the more you test my authority...The more I yell. And when I tell you to clean your room....Clean it.  For hell's sake just do what I tell you in general!  I promise you I'll be a nicer person if you do.

Oh and stop slacking and do your homework. Why on hell kindergartners have homework is BEYOND me, but just do it. And don't complain to me or I'll make your sister beat you up.  And we both know that she can. And it's hilarious when she does and I'll post that shit on Facebook. =D

Love you!

-Mom

AmoxiKillin!

Tomorrow will be my last day on my round of antibiotics.   And let me tell you....That shit is not fun. However, I am pretty proud of myself for actually finishing the full bottle.  I used to be really crappy when I came to taking pills.  Even in gummy forms.  I'd always forget.

But being in the hospital for three days changes you.  Makes you really want to try super hard to get better.  And Honestly, I don't think I can handle being the hospital again.  And its not because hospitals are just plain creepy, its the fact that your there, getting poked and prodded and scanned....and yet they still don't know whats wrong with you.

Not to mention the bills are INSANE!

So far....All my medical bills before insurance it was a total of $25,119.42.  Thankfully I have AMAZING insurance and I only have to pay $1,077.09

But what can you do?  Gotta stay healthy!  That's proabably why I've been so good about taking my medication.  Less chance of me having to pay another grand to be in the hospital! >_<