Friendship.

I know I am a good friend to those who I consider a friend of mine.  But friendship is built on trust. When you don't have that then what do you have?

I'm not proud, but I have gone through many people I  my life who I have called close friends.  And it seems like every year my list seems to get shorter and shorter.  I feel like when I lose a friend, either because of time or distance, I lose a part of myself.

But the beauty about friendships is that you always make new one.  The sad part is that I become cautious about it.  It's hard for me to trust now.  I try to keep my distance from people.  I just don't want to be hurt or betrayed by people anymore.

I don't think that I really have anyone in my life who I would consider my "best" friend.  To be honest I don't think anyone considers me to be theirs.  And that's completely fine with me really.  Because people that close to you can hurt you worst. And that something I just don't fancy.

Friends come and go, but the people who decide to stay constant in your life are no longer your friends. They become your family.  So if your one of those lucky few whom call family, dome fuck it up.  It's hard to win trust back.

Because I'm worth more than just to have people pass in and out of my life as they please.  And if you were truly my friend you would know why.

Just for you.

I might be nothing special to many of you.  But to a few out there I am their everything.  I am a friend, a sister, an aunt, a mother, and a girlfriend. And with very title comes a different aspect of my personality. But to every role I am loyal, loving, and supportive.

To my friends.
You guys are my family. Time has made us all drift apart.  But remember all the amazing memories and think of how all that made us into the people today.  Not one day goes by where I don't miss bar nights, movie dates, and shenanigans. We might make new friends in our journey through life, but never forget the old ones to helped along the way.

To my family.
We've had our difference.  That's a fact.  But I do wish with all my heart that whatever differences we all have and put them aside and have a gte together like a normal family for once. It's not impossible.  I just a great memory with all of you.

To my kids.
You guys are my world.  Thank you for being so brave this past year.  I couldn't have asked for better children.  You two have gone through so much, a divorce, two moves, and a new boyfriend.  You two deserve a wonderful Christmas this year and I'm thankful for finally being able to give it to you.  You guys are the ones who molded me into the strong person I am today.  You are the reasons why I try so hard everyday.  Just know that whatever I do, I do to give you a better life.  I'm truly sorry things didn't work out between me and your dad.  But think of things this way.  Now you have more people in your life to love you just as much as me.  Your going to have twice as many parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles.  So many people to love you. So remember you didn't lose anything. You've gained.

To my boyfriend.
You are the love of my life.  You make me happy everyday and there is never a moment where I do not feel loved by you.  There are going to be times where we argue or misunderstand eachother, but we will always get through it.  I am here for you just as much as you are here for me.  I can't help but gush about how wonderful you are to me, and my friends remind me everyday on how happy they are for finding someone who treats me as good as you do.  Thank you.  For everything that you are and for all that you do.  I honestly can't imagine my life without you. 

To my readers.
However many there are...thank you for choosing this blog to waste your time with.  Life as been crazy, full of ups and downs.  But sometimes is nice to know that your not the only one with problems. 

Wise Words.

Life will bring you down.  Fact.  But the thing about us humans is that we have the will to survive anything and everything that is thrown at us.

So for a very important person in my life who is going through a difficult time in her life I just want to say a few words.

YOU are a strong woman.  There is NOTHING in this world that can stop you from doing what you need to do in this lifetime to make it.  I've been there before, when you feel like your world is going to crumble because the life you have just last week is all you've ever know.

But it gets better.  Time heals most wounds.  You live today, and you'll live for tomorrow.

Just remember you have family and friends all over the world that love and care for you.  And one day you will find your "The One" and you will finally be happy.

Never lose you will to keep on moving forward.  I'm here for you.  Even if I'm hundreds of miles away.

I love you Cuz.  =D

Holidays.

Thanksgiving next week. Christmas next month.

Oh the Holidays...What a love/hate relationship we have.

I don't know what my deal is with the Holidays.  Maybe it's because I can only remember ONE Thanksgiving that was really awesome (the one at my sister's Sandara's house where practically the whole family was there) and the one Christmas that was worth remembering (the one at my brother Sokhan's house).

Maybe it's because during this time of year you are usually with family and I just don't really have any in Utah anymore.

It's probably because I'm homesick.

And the three days that it did snow in Utah it reminded me of Minnesota and how much I kind of miss it there.  Talked to my parent's on the phone and it just reminded me how much I love and miss them so much and that they are getting old and I wish I could spend some time with them.

But atlas...I'm here.  In Utah.

Maybe it's because since I've been back in Utah I've only had bad Holidays.

One Christmas I was accused of being a bad mother.  One Thanksgiving I cooked worked all morning...cooked all day and not get a simple "thank you for dinner" from anyone.  Another Thanksgiving people complained about the food because I wanted to try something different with my sweet potatoes.

The past three years of Holidays were the worst.  And maybe I'm just homesick because all my good memories are in Minnesota.

I guess that just means that with this new life of mine, renewed little family of mine, it's time to make new and better memories.

I still love the Holidays.  I love seeing joy and happiness all around me.  And maybe seeing and being the cause of all that joy and happiness is what the Holidays are all about.

But anyways.  Happy Holidays guys.  If I don't post very often it's because it's the busiest time of year and I'm lazy...Lol! But I will make it a point to at LEAST post something once a week.

And to my family who happens to be all over the US now...

I love you guys and miss you.  Regardless of all that crazy drama that seems to overwhelm our family.  Whatever the disagreement, whatever the betrayal, whatever....I still love ALL of you.  And if there was one wish that can make is that we all get together at least once before mom and dad pass away and take a family photo.  And I mean ALL of us. Because if there is one thing that I have learned this past year is that the meaning of life is family.  And you are all the many reasons why I am who I am today.

 

Father Figure.

November is the month that we all reflect on the things we are thankful for.  And honestly there is no one that I can currently think of who I am most thankful for right now.

And yes I am talking about my boyfriend. =D

This past weekend I was really frustrated with my Ex because it was his weekend to take the kids.  And well he didn't.  And the argument all started because I wanted to have a set schedule on pick up and drop off.  Well, apparently he had to work on Friday and couldn't pick them up till sometime Saturday   I guess it really wan't too much of a problem but it was just the fact that once again I had to accommodate to his schedule.

The thing is, is that the original agreement was that he takes them every weekend, Friday night till Sunday night.  And it's not like the reason why I want him to have the kids every weekend is so I can go out and party all the time.  One reason is for them to spend as much time with their dad as possible.  And another reason is so I can get caught up on some sleep and focus a bit with work since I work all weekend and on my days off I'm always up early with the kids and it seems like I can't ever get anything.  Like laundry....lol!

Anyways....

Him not taking the kids just makes me feel like he doesn't want them.  And if he has to work....well get a babysitter.  You KNOW you have your kids. Do what you need to do.  I have a babysitter when I go to work.  And I'm thankful that it's family too!  She does a lot more than just watches them too. Since I work early in the morning.  She gets my boy to school.  Feeds them, bathes them, and so much more.  I don't think I pay her enough for all shes done.  Point being is that people out there that know you need help understand and ARE willing to help.  And I'm sure he could find someone.

But why wouldn't you want you kids on your weekend?  Any dad out there would kill to see their kids.  So what reason would you have to opt out in seeing them?

But with all this pointless drama  I'm SO thankful Cam stepped in.  On what was supposed to be our weekend with no kids he watched them all weekend while I worked.  He didn't get much sleep, but he did it because he wanted to.  No words can express how this makes me feel.  When someone who isn't their biological father comes into these kids' lives and becomes the best father figure they could ever have.  And he doesn't just watch them.  He interacts with them. I can already see the difference in my son's behavior these past two weekends of being with him.

Yesterday my son said to us...

"Mommy, Cameron acts like our dad..."

I asked him if it was a good thing or a bad thing. He said it was a good thing. =D

How did I end up with someone who is not only so good to me but is also SO good to my kids?  I don't know honestly.  Sheer luck is my guess.

I'm just happy to have someone in my life and my kids' life that can show them what a true father is.  Supporting children isn't about just making money.  Supporting kids is about being there for them.  Showing that you care for them, no matter the distance between you or the time apart.  Being a parent is teaching them what it means to be an adult and taking responsibility for your actions.

Hard work does pay off.  But that doesn't just pertain to your job.  But to your family as well.  And I'm thankful for this little family I have now. Because without them, I don't know where I would be.

In Between.

My head is not in the game.  Why do I continuously stress over things I cannot control.  It's not my fault.  I have been more than just "nice".  I've been more than accommodating to you.

I'm done being nice.
I'm done being walked on.
I'm done being used.
I'm done feeling sorry for myself.
I'm done feeling like a failure.
I'm done stressing.
I'm done crying.

I'm better than this.
I'm a good person.
I'm a great mother.
I can handle this.
I'm doing more than my fair share.
I'm happy.
I'm happy.
I'm happy.

You've made your choices.  Whatever you decide is up to you.  Just don't expect me to feel sorry for you after all of this.

And when the kids get older and they ask me WHY you weren't more active in their lives....

I'll just tell them that that's what you wanted.

And when they grow up and look at all the things around them...

They are going to thank ME for being there.  For supporting them. For breaking my bones in order for theirs to grow.

Being a true parent isn't just biological   Its all the in betweens that matter.

Pointless.

Sometimes I feel doing certain things are pointless. For me it's saving money.  I absolutely suck at saving money.  I managed to keep $600 in my savings account for 3 days.  That was the money I was planning on using to buy me a car.  I was just $400 away from it.

But then shit started to hit the fan and it's like one expense after the next.  But I guess its not really my fault.  I guess...

I just feel like I am incapable of moving forward.  Like no matter what I do nothing is ever going to progress in the direction that I want it to.

It's so overwhelming and I just don't know what more I can do.  I guess. I just have to keep trucking on.  Grin and bare it.  I just want to crawl in the covers and cry myself to sleep.   But I can't.  Have two hooligans  with me and I have to make sure they don't do anything they're not supposed to.  And I'm potty training one of them....

Told Liza that I would throw away her dress if she had an accident in it. Lol! Seems to be working.

Oh. And I FINALLY sent in the rest of the child support papers (finally is right).  Maybe that will help me out some.  I sick of giving him the benefit of the doubt.  Just wish I didn't have resort to it, but I deserve it.  I work to hard to not get anything for raising our kids by myself.

Ugh....

Well this blog was a little all over the place.

But I am a little scatter brained today.

Pointless Addiction.

Alright.  We are all guilty of this.  Everyone at one point in time, for however long, as fallen victim to a Facebook game.  It's so stupid and yet so addictive that it's not even funny.  I've probably gotten addicted to like 10 games over the past 6 years or so....I think that's about how long I've had a Facebook.

And now I have fallen victim to the most recent Farmville.  Stupid. Stupid. Farmville.

You have to admit....My farm looks AWESOME! Lol!

Why the hell is this shit so addicting? I don't understand why?  It's like the dumbest thing in the world and it's either you love playing the shit or you hate it and make fun of people who do.

I honestly don't know how long I have been playing this game, but I'm fucking crazy.  I will wait until the last thing has grown, then plant new shit so it's ready to pick the next morning.  AND I will time it so I have the longest growing shit is just barely planted before I level up so I can replant stuff that instant.

CRAZY!

And there are FAR more crazier people than me when playing this game.  Like adding random ass people to your Facebook so you can get more free stuff and level up quicker.  It's absolutely insane.

So why are we so addicted to Facebook games?

I guess it really makes sense.  We're on Facebook all the time...and while we are waiting for shit to happen or people to post random ass shit...we are playing Farmville because we have nothing better to do with our lives.

I'm pathetic.  I will admit to that.

Or I'm just really bored out of my mind and I'd rather play Farmville than go back to playing WOW.  World of Warcraft to all those n00bs out there.

........
Must
Tend
To
My
Animals
!!!!!!


GAHHH!!!!

Click.Click.Boom.

I think the world likes to see me struggle in life.  Otherwise, why would it continuously shit on me?  I do not think there has been a moment in my life that has been super easy.  And yes I know, what doesn't kill you now only makes you stronger.  But really....REALLY LIFE? Can I just have one day off from complete bullshit?

I'm not sure when all this bad luck started, but I'm thinking it was when the pipes got clogged and our bedroom flooded.  Woke up at 4 in the morning to Cam swearing up a storm.  That wasn't fun. And every time I tried to help she seemed to get even more pissed off. So I just sat in the other room.

And the fucked up part about that WHOLE situation was that the girl upstairs who stays here every now and then knew that it was flooding but didn't tell anyone.  She just ignored it.  She could have prevented the whole thing if she would have said something...or stopped the fucking washing machine.

I should have called the plumber right then and there.  Then I wouldn't of had to deal with minimal water use for a week.

And what really adds to the stress is that we basically got it all under controlled...our bedroom floors were dry and smelling good (because I put down some deodorizer which I happened to be allergic to..that was wonderful) and then someone thought it was a great idea to run the dishwasher at night.

It's like, dude. You serious?

YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T RUN WATER! WHY ARE YOU RUNNING THE FUCKING DISHWASHER? USE FUCKING PAPER PLATES!

Smh....

Well, at least today is my day off and the plumber is on their way. At least that's one stress being taken away. Until I see the bill. Oh god....

*Update*

$300 down the drain.  Literally.  They were nice enough to put their camera down the pipes for free and the pipes are slipping apart.  One of the "slips" is about 2 1/2 wide.  Which means it could cost around $8000 to fix.  Ball park estimates.  It costs so much because they would have to dig up the pipe and just fix the whole damn thing.  Ugh...well. Hopefully it won't clog up again. And if it does, lets hope I'm still not living here.

Come on tax season.  Give me my refund so I can start looking into getting a house. Renting of course, but still. Somewhere where I don't have to worry about these kinds of things.  Land lord can deal with this shit.  Because the next time this ever happens, it better be my own house.

Saturdays.

I've had a lot of up and downs lately with my emotions.  I don't know whats going on.  But one thing that I can count on are my wonderful Saturday nights.

I remember a while ago (like a long long time ago) I basically did not have a social life.  It was pretty pathetic .  Like stay home by myself watching YouTube videos about random ass shit.  And now, I actually have fun around people I never would have thought I would be hanging out with back in High School.

But that is life. Takes you on some serious wild rides.

Beer Pong. Best Invention Ever. 

Work. Part 2.

So once again, I'm at a lost.

I guess that's nothing really new to anyone.  I'm a very lost person in general.  And air headed.  Mostly air headed.

But right now it has to do with work.  Oh how much I hate whining about the subject.  But I guess it's one of those things that is unavoidable when you truly hate your job.  With a passion. Lol.

Well, I don't hate my job with THAT much of a passion.  And honestly all the changes (basically the whole management team has changed) doesn't really bother me all too much since it makes sense to me to what they are trying to do with the store.  But what really stresses me out is basically all the little things.

Like the incompetence of others what effect everyone else.  People just don't understand the ripple effect.  When once person is behind...so is everyone else.  Every action causes a reaction and it pisses me off.  Because for one, I always get in trouble for it.  Even when I have no control over it.

But that's what happens when you are looking to be management. It's like a constant test to see how you preform under pressure...even if whatever situation you are put in will never happen to the actual manager because of the certain task that is assigned to whatever clerk.

This is probably confusing. But I'm not getting into specifics.  Because most likely I will get confused. Ha!

I guess what really gets me is that I hate getting thrown under the bus for something that is not in my control.  And I hate having to do more work than is necessary because other people are just to retarded to understand the concept that it is there job and they have to do it. But they are just to lazy to even care.

Sometimes I miss the days where I didn't try so hard.  I just showed up, did my job, and go home.  I don't mind going back and doing that crap again.  But what would the fun be in that? Not to mention I really like most of my crew and my boss can mostly be pretty cool.

I just have those days where I feel like not trying so hard.   Just throw my hands in the air and just give up.

And then I pull my head out of my ass and keep on keeping on.  

Time.

I know I posted a few months ago about the "honeymoon phase" and how I never wanted it to end.

Well, I think it's ended now.

Lol. But I guess its not a bad thing really.  Now is the time when the real relationship begins. When everything isn't all rainbows and lollipops, but the time where the dusts settles and you begin to show your true colors and if those colors mix beautifully together to create your future with one another.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that time will always move forward.  You can't go back to change what already has been done and you can't make time stand still to hold on to a moment.  You have to just keep going forward in order to learn.

Every day is going to be hard than the one before it.  There's no sense to thinking that things just get easier from here on out.

But who knows.  After getting over that blissful stage in the relationship you could find out so much more about them.  More in dept things that really could decide your future with them.

I know this sounds maybe a tad bit crazy but, I know for a damn fact that I'm spending the rest of my life with Cameron.  There's no doubt.  I love him, like truly love him.  And I don't see myself loving any man more than I love him.

So Like any other girl out there that is in love they imagine what their future will look like.  And like all girls out there, they imagine what their other half thinks their life is going to be in the future.

And what they imagine is where the interesting part is. Lol!

But whatever the future holds for me....it's not the destination that matters...it's the journey there.

Positive > Negative

I'm supposed to be cleaning today.  But....I'm procrastinating since I have this thought in my head and I don't want to lose it.

So I was chatting with a friend on Facebook about some recent events that happen to them.  And all I have to say is that I'm sorry things didn't work out for you two.  That was the happiest I have ever seen you and it breaks my heart that things just didn't go as planned.

But just because in the end it wasn't a good match...doesn't mean to just give up.

Love is a funny thing.  The more you learn about it, the make ups, the break ups, and the shake ups....the more appreciative you are when the next one arrives.  And then eventually you find "The One".

But you're never going to find "The One" if your constantly negative.  Think positive.  And having that positive aura around you makes you more attractive anyways.  So why not give it a try?

Shit happens in life and yes it's going to bring you down.  But that should not stop you from looking.  You'll find that person.  And it is possible.

So chin up my friend. And just remember, you have those around you who love and care about you.  No matter how many times you delete me from Facebook.

Get Over It.

Read something funny today. And I get the feeling that he's not over it.  And yes I Facebook stalk people.  It's dumb for a girl to say that they don't because we all fucking do that shit.  It's in our nature. Lol!

Anyways.

I think it's HILARIOUS that he says that he is aware of the fact that he knows what he did wrong...but it was wrong of me to just up and leave the way that I did. And also that we should have tried and work things out.

NEWS FLASH!

I did.  I tried for at LEAST two years.  In fact, I think I tired harder than I should have for a relationship that everyone with half a brain could tell that it was not going to work out in the end.

All those fights. Me constantly telling you that YOU needed to try harder.  And you agreeing.  And it only lasting a day until you went back to old habits.

Never wanting to hang out with my friends but forcing me to hang out with your friend. Forcing me to become something I am not.  Molding me into the person you saw fit instead of loving me for the person that I am.

Never standing up for me from your family even though that's all I ever did for you.  Made you look like a good man because I knew you had it in you but failed to own up to it.

Do not pin me as the antagonist in this anti love story.

Yes I cheated.  Yes I lied.  Yes I just up and left you to the dogs.  Took everything away from you that you ever cared about.

But think about all the shit you put me through those seven years that we were together.  All the times you lied to me.  Broken promises. The stress.  How badly you broke my heart.

You were my first love and you took that for granted. Stripped it bare and used it as your doormat.

But at least I can get over that and be happy now.  Because I did learn from all that.  Became a better person.  A much more wiser person. I now know my self worth.  I can look at you and not feel an ounce of love.  The only good thing that came out of us being together is our kids. Who are my life.  The reason why I keep going.  The reason I left you to give them a chance to grow up in a happy and loving environment. And for my son to know how a woman should be treated by a man who genuinely loves her.

So for the sake of your sanity and for the sanity of everyone around you.  Get over it.  Learn from it.  And for hell's sake move forward.

Sincerely, Your Ex.

Rambles.

So I was looking at all my past blogs and all I have to say is that I'm a fucking whiny ass bitch sometimes!

Lol!

And that there is at least 3 grammatical errors in each post. No matter how much I read through them.  It's like, after I click that "Publish" button I have no desire to fix that shit.  It's in the universe now. Whatever. 

But anyways....

Have you ever looked at or read some of the stuff you've written in the past?  It's pretty interesting stuff.  I kind of like doing that every so often and try to remember all the things that were going on in my life.

There was a lot of pent up anger back then.  And then there was a lot of sadness.  Then BAM! Super happy Stephanie!

It's nice to see the different shades of me though.  Makes me think of the kind of person I was back then and who I am today.

I really believe in knowing your past in order to know your future.  Because Fact, you are who you are because of the events in the past.  Whether you actually learned from it or not.  It's still what makes you who you are today.

But all in all. I like who I am today.  I like who I've become.  I like the place I am at in life.  I don't think I have ever been this happy.  Like ever.

But the one thing I am excited about is whats going to happen next.  I've got a lot on my plate.  But that doesn't phase me.  A busy bee is a happy bee! (Wow that's fucking corny!)

ANYWAYS.  So I'm almost at 2000 page views (Yeah Baby!) and I'm letting you guys pick a blog topic.  I'm thinking along the lines of some sort of challenge. So comment here or if your on my facebook vote there.  Which I think I should just do a facebook fan page since there are some people who read this who isn't my personal friends.

Yeah I'm that cool.

Lazy. Lazy.

Laziness.  It comes and goes. Typically.  But for some people, it's their personality.
And it bugs the shit out of me.

There are times when I feel like just doing nothing.  Sleep all day, not shower, and order in.  But I have kids, I have a job, and I have shit to do.  So laziness only last for a few hours.

But I see people who don't have a job. Don't have any kids (actually, there are some people who have kids and still don't do anything) and proceed to be just as lazy as fuck.

Now the reason why I bring this up is because I fucking hate being the house maid.  And right now, that's exactly how I feel.

Fucking Laundry.

I don't mind doing my laundry, my kid's laundry, or my boyfriend's laundry.  That shit I can handle.  It's the people who don't work, who stay home ALL FUCKING DAY and still is incapable of doing their MOUNDS of laundry in a timely matter.

From start to finish.  I can do five loads of laundry in about 6 hours. And that's mostly waiting for the dyer.

And on top of that.  I work a full time job and take care of two kids and my boyfriend part-time.  I say part time because he works all the time, oh and we work opposite shifts so I really don't see him that often.

But anyways. I just do not understand why it is SO FUCKING HARD to do your own laundry. Why is it that every week I have to finish their laundry in order to do mine?  It's ridiculous! You should just be able to do it yourself! Am I wrong?

I mean, What the fuck do you do all day? Seriously!

And why the hell do you always have so much laundry anyways?  That is what I do not get. Your home all day. Where the fuck do you go or do in order to have so many fucking clothes?

Uhggg......

This whole living with people who have no common sense thing is really getting old.    I can't wait till we move out.  Whenever the hell that will be.

>_< Balls.

Girls.

I think it's safe to say that girls run the world.  I mean, for one, they have that power over all kinds of men (except the gay men of course) because of that black magic center called their vagina. Lol.  A man will do anything to get to that.

But my question is, why the fuck do girls have to be so fucking crazy all the time.  For hell's sake I'm a girl and I have no idea why I have such crazy thoughts going through this pretty little head of mine.

For example.  When Cameron and I go to bed, we start cuddling.  Which is like the best thing to do after a crazy day of work and kids.  But then like 10 mins into it he lets go and rolls over to the other side.  And I'm like....

"WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY MUST YOU RUIN A GOOD THING!?? I WAS FALLING ASLEEP!!! DON'T YOU LOVE ME????!!!!"

But my logical thinking is like....

"Oh his arm must be asleep.  And he usually sleeps on his stomach.  It is a more comfortable sleeping position than a 130 pound body laying practically on top of him. He needs his sleep anyways."

See.  Absolute craziness.

Why can't our logical thinking overthrow our emotional thinking?  I guess that would make us men right. Oh wait....Men's physical needs overthrow their logical and emotional thinking. That's right....

Oh.  And what is up with girl's obsession with "bad boys"?  Why do girls continue to swoon over guys who treat them badly, take their women for granted, and just is out right rude to them?  Honestly I love a guy that is going to worship the ground I walk on.  But hey that bad boy "look" doesn't hurt.

Anyways.  I see to many girls around me just settling for the guys that are just bad people.  Users.  Guys that incapable of helping themselves and basically looks for that "mommy type" girl to take care of them because they are too lazy to do it themselves.

Hmm.... beginning to describe my ex. Ha!

But girls.  Your worth more than that.  If guys want a freaking mommy to take care of them.  Send them to their mother's house.  Your a mom to your kids. That all.  We carry the world on our shoulders, we don't need the extra weight.

So drop that son of a bitch.  (Yes this directed to someone if you didn't guess it) Your better than that.

Oh and ladies.  Find that guy that is going to be there for you.  Stop putting him in the friend zone.  And don't act all oblivious to the fact that he is so in love with you.  He sees you practically everyday.  Talks to you constantly.  Mind as well date the poor guy.

And don't give me that "Oh but I don't want to ruin our friendship!" crap.

Look.  Why do you think your guys' friendship is so good?  BECAUSE HE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT!

And what if he was the right guy for you.  The One. You would never know unless you find out.

So stop being such a fucking crazy ass person and just do it.

Fucking girls.

HA!

Sickly Random Rant.

I hate being sick.  It freaking sucks.  I hate that I'm always thirsty....even if I drink like five bottles of water.  I hate that my head is pounding.  I hate how I keep coughing.

Why.  Why on earth do we have to get sick?  And I was doing so well avoiding this too.

Man I need soup.  Soup sounds amazing right now.

Well, besides me acting like a complete baby....Life has been pretty damn good to me.  I have never felt so less drama...like ever.  Actually, all the drama is happening around me and I feel like I have front row tickets to all the main events!

I do find it all entertaining.  And it actually got to a point where I had to think...

"Holy Shit! Do I fucking sound like that when I rant on about random ass shit?"

Yeah, It was pretty mind blowing.  I figured that yes...yes I do sound like a whiny bitch and the guys are right about a lot of things.

Or in other drama news.  I am the person everyone goes to to let out some serious steam.  It's actually pretty cool that people generally come to me to talk about the problems that they have in their personal life.

However....why people come to me and ask for romance advise I have no idea.  I mean, yeah my current relationship is fucking amazing! I mean beYOND awesome.  But my track record is pretty shitty.

But I guess that kind of makes me the perfect person to talk to?  Since I have gone through a lot and I ACTUALLY learned from my experiences and that is the reason why I am so happy now.

Ha!

Fuck if I know. I'm like high on cold medicine.   Explains why this blog is pretty fucking random.

I need soup.

Love Notes.

Came home from work and saw this on my desk top of my computer. <3

There is no better feeling than finding a love note after a hard day at work.  Even if it's just something as simple as an "I Love You" written on a post-it note next to the night stand or a note pad file left up on your computer.

I wasn't having a terrible day at work, just feeling a little sickly.  But the moment I read that note it just made me feel so much better and now I just cannot stop smiling.  This is what the note said. Copy and Paste.... grammatical errors and all (another reason why I couldn't stop laughing/smiling).

"Baby,

Thank you for everything you do. All i can say is.. im so lucky to call you mine. I hope the rest of your day is relaxing, and you can chill out to get ready for the next week. If there is anything in my life that gives me drive and determination to never quit, its you. Don't ever change, because your perfect.

I love you,
-Me

-by the way make sure you put a load in the washer, ill put it in the dryer and fold it when i get home."

^-^

I swear.  There is no more perfect person than this man.  He is everything (and more) that I have ever wanted in a man.  He is always there for me whenever I need him.  Even when I don't need him.  Never afraid to show the world how much he loves me.  Even if it grosses out his friends and family.  Ha ha!

Never have I felt so in love.

I just feel like the most luckiest girl in the world. I can't help but feel like I am on air.

Baby, I love you.  More than you will ever know.

Work Ethic.

So I was talking to a co worker today about how stupid kids now a days are.  No joke.  I mean, I'm only a few years older than some of the guys on my crew yet my work ethic is WAY different than their.  I just don't understand how you expect to get payed, but not do the job that your required to do.

I mean, its a freaking job.  Just freaking do it.  Why make it harder on everyone else (and then in turn yourself)  because your too lazy to do the most simplest task.  

I mean is it really that hard to one, look for what you need on the sales floor. Two, get all the shit you need from the back room and stick it on a cart.  Three, put everything out on the sales floor.  Four, throw away all the nasty shit.

Simple.  Right?  Hell, I think so.  I'm pretty sure monkeys can do the job.  In fact, that's a good idea.  Hire a bunch of monkeys....but then they would eat all the bananas. LOL.  

Uhhgggg.......Stupid kids.  Just do the damn job.  And then I will stop being a bitch to you. Ha!   

Maybe.

Oh but on the bright side.  The new bulk manager is like begging for me to be in his department because I'm such an awesome working....with common sense.  It's nice to feel wanted. Oh yeah....