Changes for the Better.

I have made the biggest step of my life. And I hope that I'm make the right ones.  I have done so much this past year. Both good and bad.   But with all those choices that I had made, most of them were not for me.  And I think it is about time that I do something for me. 

Its not going to be fun at first, nor will it be easy.  I will cry, have breakdowns, panic attacks, and outlashes.  But I need to have those.  I'm going to take my time to heal. Be to become a much better person in the end.  I diserve better.  I should have more.  Not because I think I am better than everyone.  But because I've work so hard to be the perfect wife and mother.  I put everyone before myself, and now I think its time to focuse on me.

I have my kids with me.  The most important people to me.  They are my life and no matter how much they drive me crazy they are the reason I stay so sane.  I will never leave them again and I wish I didn't wait so long to give them a good life.  I am truely sorry for not giving them the life they diserve.  But I'm truely trying now.

Now its a time for growing and a time for learning.  I don't think I will ever love again.  But I hope someday I will fine someone can show me what true love is. 

But for now, I think its time to learn to love and forgive myself.  There will be better days for me.